Lodger house rules: what to agree before someone moves in

Why it's worth writing the rules down

If your lodger shares your kitchen, bathroom or living room with you, they're likely to be what the law calls an excluded occupier (gov.uk). That affects both their rights and how the arrangement can be ended. Either way, it's still your home, and house rules are how the two of you agree to share it. But a rule you only had in your head isn't one your lodger can follow.

Put the rules in the lodger agreement, or on a single page signed alongside it. Keep them short. A lodger can live with ten clear rules far more easily than forty vague ones.

Overnight guests and visitors

This is the rule that causes the most arguments, so settle it first. There's no standard answer. Some live-in landlords allow a partner to stay two or three nights a week, others want to be asked each time, and some say no overnight guests at all. Pick what you can honestly live with.

Then cover the details people skip:

• How much notice you'd like before someone stays over.
• Whether guests can use the living room and kitchen, or only the lodger's room.
• Whether a guest can be in the house when your lodger isn't.
• Friends round for dinner or a film: fine, or ask first?

Eric, who founded Among Our People, puts it simply: a lodger should always ask before bringing someone home, whether it's for the night or for a drink in front of the TV. Asking costs nothing, and it tells you a lot about how the rest will go.

When a partner wants to move in

Agree now what happens if your lodger's partner wants to move in, because it may well come up.

Eric learned this one the hard way. In the late 1990s, he had a gay lodger in his London home, and for a while everything was fine. Then the lodger asked whether his boyfriend could move into the room with him. Eric said yes. Before long he felt outnumbered and no longer comfortable in his own home, so he asked them both to leave, and gave them plenty of time to find somewhere else. The boyfriend wasn't the problem. One lodger had turned into a couple, and nobody had talked about what that would change.

So treat a partner moving in as a new arrangement, not a favour:

• Saying no is fine. You agreed to share your home with one person.
• If you say yes, agree a new rent and a fair share of the bills, and update the written agreement.
• In England, every adult who'll live in your home needs a Right to Rent check, even if they're not named on the agreement (gov.uk).
• Try a trial month and a date to talk it through, so either of you can say it isn't working without a row.

Boundaries go both ways

House rules shouldn't be a list handed down on the first day. Around the same time, another person who lived in Eric's spare room was a woman he'd met on an overland trip from Kenya to Victoria Falls. She moved in, quickly became a close friend, and they still write to each other. That's the best case, and even then it helps to know where each of you stands.

The question Eric asks anyone moving in is "What are your boundaries?" Then he tells them his. Ask about the things that matter to them, such as privacy in their room, or whether they'd like to eat together sometimes or keep to themselves. A lodger who's been asked is far more likely to respect your rules.

Say it plainly if yours is an LGBTQ+ household, too. Eric has never hidden who he is at home, and a lodger should know what kind of home they're joining before they agree to it. If you live in the home and share it with your lodger, the law gives you a lot of freedom to choose who moves in, though never on the grounds of race (Equality Act 2010, Schedule 5). Our guide on how to choose a lodger covers the rest.

If you're the one moving into someone's spare room, the same applies the other way round. Ask to see the house rules before you agree, and ask who else lives there or stays over. When Eric rented a room in a flat in Stockwell, the host kept to himself, and the guest in the third bedroom became someone to go out with. The household mattered as much as the room.

A house rules template you can copy

If it stops working

Talk early. Most problems are easier to fix in the first week than the eighth. If you've tried and it still isn't working, check what kind of lodger you have before you give notice. For an excluded occupier, reasonable notice is usually the length of the rent period, so a month if they pay monthly (gov.uk). The full rules are in taking in a lodger in England.

The legal minimum isn't always the kind amount. Giving someone more time to find a new room usually makes for a better ending.

When you're ready to look for the next person, list your room on Among Our People, and put your house rules in the advert so people know before they message. Our guide to writing a room advert has examples.