Questions to ask potential flatmates: compatibility and red flags

Questions worth asking

Money

• "How do bills get split, and who pays them?"
• "What did the bills come to last winter?"
• "What happens if someone's short one month?"

Daily life

• "What does a normal weekday look like here?"
• "Does anyone work from home? Where?"
• "Is there a cleaning rota, and does it actually happen?"
• "Do you share food, or keep it separate?"

Guests

• "Would my partner be welcome to stay over? How often is fine?"
• "How do you feel about friends coming round?"

Being yourself

• "Is everyone here comfortable with LGBTQ+ housemates and their partners?"
• "Is there anything about the house you'd want someone to know before moving in?"

When things go wrong

• "How do you sort out disagreements about cleaning?"
• "What's the one thing that annoys you about living here?"
• "Why did the last person move out?"

How they answer matters as much as what they say. A household that's honest about its small frictions is usually easier to live with than one that claims it has none.

Good signs

They ask about you as well: your work, your hours, what you're like to live with, not just whether you can pay. They're specific about how the place runs, from bills to the rota. And the people already there seem at ease with each other. That might look like teasing and in-jokes, or it might be a quiet house where everyone gets on with their own thing. Both can be good places to live. What you're looking for is a household where you can see yourself relaxing.

Warning signs, and ordinary differences

Some things are worth slowing down for. Someone more curious about your love life than about whether you'll do the washing-up. Vagueness about why the last person left, or about what the bills come to. Not being allowed to meet everyone. Pressure to decide on the spot. Those are warning signs.

Other things are just differences. Someone quieter than you, or more of an early riser, or less keen on shared dinners, isn't a red flag. It's only a problem if it clashes with how you need to live. So be honest with yourself about which differences you can live with, and which ones you can't.

The “we're all really tolerant here” line

This one's for us especially. When someone tells you how open-minded the house is, unprompted, as if they're doing you a favour, take note. Households where you can genuinely relax don't usually make a speech about it. It shows in how they are. Tolerance isn't the bar. You want people who won't give it a second thought.

Trust your read, then check it

Your gut reads a room quickly, so listen to it, then test it with the questions above. If you're still unsure, ask to come back for a second visit or a quick coffee. A good household won't mind. And before you commit, run through our room-viewing checklist for the practical side, and our guide to rental scams before any money changes hands.

On Among Our People, UK rooms are listed by LGBTQ+ members. Many members describe themselves in their own words, and some carry an ID-verified badge, so you can learn a bit about a household before you turn up.